Seem's like goodbye's such a hard thing to say
Touching a hand, wondering why
It's time for saying goodbye
Saying goodbye, why is it sad?
Makes us remember the good times we've had
Much more to say, foolish to try
It's time for saying goodbye
Don't want to leave, but we both know
Sometimes it's better to go
Somehow I know, we'll meet again
Not sure quite where, and I don't know just when
You're in my heart, so until then
It's time for saying goodbye
-Muppets
There are many times in our life when we have to say goodbye, sometimes it's just for a short interval, and other times, for much longer.
I've never been very good at saying goodbye, I like to leave unobtrusively, hopefully unnoticed and without a big show. Despite this, there's always a pit of apprehension in my stomach as I face leaving people.
Going on my Mission was the first significant goodbye I had to say. Leaving my family for 18 months seemed like an eternity. Three things got me by; the knowledge that I was doing something good, my love for the Gospel and all things pertaining to it, and knowing that I wasn't saying goodbye forever, that I'd get to see my family again.
Coming home from my Mission was bitter sweet. I would be reunited with my family, but I would be leaving the people in California that had become a second family to me. People I had worked beside, who had served us and who we had had opportunities to serve. I was astounded by the number of people I had met and become attached to in just 18 months. Leaving my first and last areas, where I spent the majority of my time, was particularly heart-wrenching.
Now I am again faced with departure from loved ones.This was my last week as a tutor at Innovations High School. I left with very little ceremony, and from the outside I'm sure that I looked very nonchalant, and certainly less emotional than those who left with fan-fair and tears, hugging and waving at everyone. I've never been very good at that; however, thinking about the kids and teachers I was leaving behind, I couldn't help but feel a little remorse that I couldn't spend just a little more time with them.
I'll be leaving for college this week, and while finishing college is an exciting prospect, leaving home again, particularly right after I returned, seems an insurmountable task. How grateful I am for the Gospel! General Conference was just what I needed at this time of my life. President Uchtdorf's talk on being grateful tapped into that perspective I had received on the Mission, and it answered many of the worries in my heart.
It's funny when you realize your favorite quotes are those about your own weaknesses. I love when General Authorities speak and help me see where my thinking has gone a little off, or remind me of something I need to do. Why? Because more often than not, we are seeking correction and answers and Authorities can put it so succinctly as to give us "ah hah!" moments of realization. They stick us back on the right track and make life not only manageable, but happy as well.
One of my "Ah hah!" moments was when President Uchtdorf asked this:
"How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God that there is rain?"
What brings me down about saying goodbye right now? Partially, insecurity. I am waiting until I know what's going to happen before allowing myself to be happy. There are so many things to worry about, will I find friends? Will my roommates like me? Will I be able to find a job? Am I majoring in the right subjects? Sometimes I forget to just be happy now (the subject of another of President Uchtdorf's talks). There are SO many things to be thankful for, the fact that I get to go to a good University, knowing that I'm really not that far from home and can still stay in contact with family, getting this wonderful opportunity to further my education and find the right path for me, and doing all of this alongside my best friend, Christian.
Life is an awfully big adventure, I'm glad of the wonderful reminders that every time I say goodbye it's not about leaving, it's about going out and expanding my family.
"In the light of what we know about our eternal destiny, is it any wonder that whenever we face the bitter endings of life, they seem unacceptable to us? There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings.
Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny.
The more we learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ, the more we realize that endings here in mortality are not endings at all. They are merely interruptions--temporary pauses that one day will seem small compared to the eternal joy awaiting the faithful.
How grateful I am to my Heavenly Father that in His plan there are no true endings, only everlasting beginnings."
-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf
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